I need a break from all this chaos. I need time to put some order into my priorities and find my equilibrium. I've been through a roller coaster of ups and downs lately and now I feel a little dizzy, a little ill. I'm just dried out...no more inspiration, no more ideas, no more desire to work...a sort of sentimental coma has taken over me. Partially my fault I must admit...I just believed too much...and I was proven wrong...
So I'm taking my break...my well deserved rest...my long noon sleep...
... Not because I would have too much to say or too much to write about..but because it's been days that I have this line in my head...
I'm not too good at autobiographies...How can one describe to others what is happening to him if he himself doesn't know it...
I felt lost theese few weeks...not in the bad way...I feel like I've lost my contour...like water spilling from a broken glass...is it freedom , is it just waste? I cannot know ...I just feel I've lost my lines...I 've been so divided...betweek the many sides of myself and now...others too...
I feel like dancing the waltz and sleeping naked..drinking flows of wine and kissing full lips...because after all it's all we have, all that remains after it all ends ...
I find myself once again waitign in front of my own open door...a door that had been shut closed and locked for a long time...maybe for the first time I've opened it myself without hearing a knock...now i'm wondering if there's really someone on the other side or if it was only my imagination...
I try to find my equilibrilum...maybe mercury can be hold in place after all...so I breathe and I dance..and I spread my legs and my arms and curve and bend untill the contour lines crack...
Lately I've been doing what I haven't done in a long time..I've cried at night and smiled at daybreak ..I've lied and felt my remords..I've dared to tend the chord...I've waited with impatience...and I fell in love again and again...with the same pair of eyes, the same song, the same gesture...
...and I now dare to dare again..even if it might be just another jump into nothing... if that be the case I hope I learn in time how to fly or that somebody catches me...
[No I don't play the guitar...yet! But as Archimedes said“Give me a place to stand and I will move the earth.”The will is there...all I need more is the guitar and the world shall be at my merci.]
Well this is it. I have to say goodbye!
